Why Do We Feel “Weak” for Feeling Pain?

Unpacking the Stories We Carry Into Our Healing - Acceptance of where we are at.

Lately in my studio I’ve been hearing a theme:“I’m being such a girl.”“I’m a woose.”“I’m pathetic at handling pain.”

It’s said quietly, often with a laugh, but it reveals something important—many of us carry internal stories about how we should tolerate discomfort, how we should cope, or how we should hide what we feel.

But where do these narratives even come from? Why do so many people feel ashamed of being sensitive to pain or needing gentleness? The truth is: these beliefs rarely originate with us. They are learned.

Where These Narratives Begin

1. Childhood Messages & Early Environments

Many of us grew up hearing things like “toughen up,” “stop crying,” “don’t make a fuss,” or “you’re fine.”These messages often came from well-meaning adults who themselves were taught to push through, suppress, or ignore their own needs.

When a caregiver, coach, or teacher couldn’t hold space for the softer, vulnerable parts of being human, we learned that sensitivity was “bad” or “weak.”

2. Peer Influence & Social Comparison

As children or teens, we may have been teased for being “dramatic,” “soft,” or “overly sensitive.”Or maybe we were the one in a sports team or friend group who didn’t handle pain or exertion as easily as others. Being the “different one” in the group can stick with you longer than you think.

3. Masculine/Feminine Conditioning

Cultural gender expectations play a powerful role. Expressions like “stop being a girl” or “man up” teach people—of any gender—that pain tolerance equals strength and sensitivity equals weakness.

But this is simply untrue. Pain tolerance isn’t a personality trait. It’s a nervous system response.

4. The “No Pain, No Gain” Culture

Many fitness, sports, and wellness spaces still push the idea that suffering equals progress.When everything around us glorifies pushing harder, doing more, and overriding our bodies, it becomes easy to think that listening to our limits is somehow wrong.

But in therapeutic bodywork, this mindset causes more harm than good.

In My Studio, We Do Things Differently

I don’t subscribe to the “no pain, no gain” belief system—and I never will.

Whether you come in for relaxation massage, deep tissue, myofascial release, holistic pulsing, or fascial unwinding, the foundation is always the same:

We calm the nervous system first

Because when the nervous system feels safe, the body can finally let go. It’s in this state that your own natural healing response switches on. When someone feels unsafe, overwhelmed, or braced against pain, the opposite happens: muscles contract, fascia tightens, breath restricts, and the very tension we’re trying to release becomes stronger.

Safety is not optional—it’s the gateway to transformation.

Why Comfort Matters in Therapeutic Massage

In deeper work, I use a scale of intervention from 1–10. This helps us find your therapeutic edge—not too light, not too intense.

The sweet spot is usually a 5–7. This gives me a guage of pressure so I can adapt to your individual needs in the session on that day. It often differs in different areas of the body, and in your next session it may be different.

What does that mean? It’s that level where:

• you feel the pressure clearly,

• you know something productive is happening,

• but your body is not clenching, guarding, or bracing in defense.

It’s the “good hurt”—the kind that allows the tissue to melt rather than resist.

Any higher, and your body goes into protection mode. When the body is protecting, true release cannot happen.

We’re not trying to overpower your system—we’re working with it.

You Don’t Need to Prove Anything Here

You don’t need to be tough.

You don’t need to endure pain to get results.

You don’t need to compare your tolerance to anyone else’s.

Your body has its own history, memories, sensitivities, and thresholds.

Honouring that is not weakness—it’s wisdom.

If you’ve been told you’re “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “not good with pain,” I want you to know:

You are not the problem.

The story is.

And stories can be unlearned.

A New Narrative to Carry Forward

Instead of “I’m being weak,” try:

• “My nervous system is communicating with me.”

• “My body needs safety before it can release.”

• “Listening to my limits is strength.”

• “My healing is not a competition.”

Your body responds best when you feel held, supported, and understood—not pushed past your edges.

And that’s the environment I am committed to creating every time you walk into my studio.